Why I’m so glad to have sought help with debts

A WOMAN has spoken of the help she received from the
Henley debt centre after her family fell into financial trouble during the covid-19 pandemic.

The centre, which is supported by the charity Christians Against Poverty, was launched in July last year by Francis Goodwin and Terry Grourk and is managed by former Olympic rower Debbie Bruwer.

It is partly funded by four Henley churches, St Mary’s, Christ Church, Holy Trinity and Henley Baptist Church.

The woman, who wants to remain anonymous, went to the centre as a last resort after being unable to find a solution to her debt problem online.

She says her financial trouble began after her husband became seriously ill during the coronavirus pandemic last year.

She said: “He was a freelancer, so self-employed, and was unable to continue working. I only work part-time, so we went from a comfortable family life to relying on our savings.

“We were very careful during lockdown as we had savings and were sensible with money.

“But we started to run out and the letters started coming saying something had been missed.

“They were very helpful when they understood that my husband was ill but I was very worried about how I was going to cope and have that conversation with the banks about debt.

“Suddenly, within the space of a year, we had no savings left. I became really worried about our finances around November 2021. It was overwhelming.

“My husband became very depressed. With no work, he found it difficult to focus on keeping the house going.”

The woman said a fear of judgement prevented her from telling anyone about their financial troubles.

She said: “We hadn’t been in this situation before and I didn’t want to admit that I was in debt because it is such a horrible situation.

“We tried not to have to tell people but some close friends noticed and were concerned and knew we had a mortgage to pay.

“We also didn’t want to borrow but in the end they said: ‘It’s important you have some help’.

“We hadn’t been in this situation before. I downsized my car to a simpler one. We would sell something and be careful about our spending but when big bills come, they’re not something you can pay off by saving a bit on the food shop.

“Thank goodness those friends lent us money — they helped us for a year.

“Also, you feel that if people know you are struggling then you become aware that you don’t want to have nice things. You feel very self-conscious about being carefree or having a good time.

“You can’t help but be aware that if you do something nice or extravagant, you feel terribly uncomfortable. I would be less inclined to accept an invitation. I battened down the hatches a bit.

“There was definitely a fear of judgement, although it doesn’t matter to me now.”

The woman sought help from debt charities such as StepChange and Citizens Advice as well as from banks and building societies but found them to be “overwhelming.”

She said: “They were all incredibly helpful, which was really important, but I was genuinely very nervous and didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through.

“I just hoped my husband would get better and it would all be sorted out. I ended up being bombarded with payment requests and I was going around in circles with plans and money going in and out. There was never really a solution presented to me.”

The debt took a toll on her mental health.

“It became all-consuming,” she said. “I got to the point where I didn’t want to open letters. I’d get one and my husband would get the same. When they were reminders of shortfalls in payments, I didn’t need to be reminded, trust me, I knew.

“But the banks were supportive and we didn’t receive any threatening letters.

“I talked to mortgage companies as well and one person told me: ‘Well, at the end of the day, you’re going to have to sell your house’.

“Yes, ultimately, that would have had to happen but it terrified me. I felt threatened, as though the company was saying: ‘We can take it off you if we want to’. I didn’t want to talk to them after that. Going into rented accommodation and selling my house all while my husband was really ill was a horrible thought and I just thought: ‘I can’t cope with all of this.’ It was a horrible conversation.”

Around August last year, the woman reached out to the debt centre.

She said: “I happened to see in the Henley Standard a story about Christians Against Poverty and the new debt centre. I was worried at first as I am not a practising Christian and I was concerned it would be a requirement to be religious.

“The fact it was somewhere local rather than a national company 50 miles away made me realise this was the step I wanted to take. At the time, they were reaching out for people who needed the service.”

She has been working with the centre for about seven months now.

She said: “The first consultation was amazing and it really helped me that Debbie wanted to come to the house to meet me. It was such a relief not to have to talk on the phone or via webchat.

“The most wonderful words to hear were: ‘I’d like to come over and meet you’.

“They have been absolutely amazing, calm and supportive. They take away the stress and make things more factual.

“I was with Debbie for the first meeting. My husband was a bit apprehensive. To be honest, he was concerned that if we didn’t go to church, they would say, ‘We can’t help you’. I was relieved that wasn’t the case and she was very lovely.

“I was trying to get all the papers ready when Debbie said: ‘Don’t worry, we are here to help you, I’ll sort it’. That’s what’s so lovely about her. She went through all the files — she’d even brought wallet dividers — and it stopped me from being worried.

“Our first consultation lasted about two and a half hours. It was tiring but such a relief. I was quite emotional. I had been carrying all of that weight and I was finally drained of it.

“Debbie told us that it would all be sorted and that there was no pressure, whether it be a payment plan or other advice.

“I could sort it out myself and there was no ‘sign here’ or anything, which was really calming. In fact, it was the first time I’d felt calm since the debt began.

“When Debbie left, I felt that between myself, my husband and her, we would make a change. I knew how I was living couldn’t continue as the income we were used to wasn’t coming in anymore but this removed more pressing worries such as mortgage, utility and council tax payments.

“Having a personal session can be very emotional but Debbie put that to one side and gave us the facts and I became more grown up.

“You need the banks on your side but you also need to know your rights and they helped with that. I cannot thank them enough.”

The woman said being in debt had helped her “grow up”.

She said: “I was concerned because my husband had always dealt with things like accounts and the bills, not me. I was the typical, happy-go-lucky wife and didn’t worry about bills. I have taken over that area now and am much more aware.

“I quite like not having a big car. You adapt very well. When you lose all nice and silly things, it puts things into context.

“The only time I treated myself was at Christmas with a few nice things rather than lots of silly things. We only got things we really liked. In a way, I became very aware of what wasn’t important.

“It would be lovely to go on holiday but that’s a bit far fetched at the moment. Just going for a walk in the countryside is great, though. Hopefully things will pick up.”

Thanks to the help from the debt centre, the woman says she feels much “calmer” about her financial situation.

She said: “We found out we could keep the house, we just had to change some things in life. Debbie helps us do it and I can message her by phone directly if I need to. I feel like there is someone looking after me.

“We are still in the process of working out how best to manage the debt. I don’t want to do a payment plan but whatever they advise, I will trust them.

“We are in touch monthly and I know if I need to speak with Debbie, I can. She is in touch with our banks for us and they can come to an arrangement.

“If I get a letter that causes me anxiety, I screenshot it and send it to her. The centre also has the authority to speak on our behalf and liaise for us.

“Now I am much calmer about things. We have got plans in place, I am working and my husband is getting better.”

• If you are affected by debt, you can call the Henley Debt Centre on 07379 040116.