Take note, fellas, its MEN-opause

AS a menopause specialist, I can never predict the reaction I will receive when meeting new people at social events. Standing at a party, in response to describing what kind of doctor I was, I was greeted with: “I jokingly said to my wife the other day, ‘Your hot flushes are the best way of reducing our heating bill’.” Was this the bravest man ever?

It turns out his wife was going through “The Change”, as he put it. When I elaborated on what I did and why I was so passionate about it, his giggles turned to a serious expression with the realisation that his wife might be suffering some really distressing symptoms that she is not wholly sharing.

The more we talked, the more it became apparent how much his wife’s symptoms were affecting both of their lives and he barely recognised the bubbly, outgoing woman he once knew.

She wasn’t at the party because she couldn’t face seeing anybody as she was always tearful and feeling tired, just some of the many changes she felt. She was missing this party, and many other social events, because of her struggles. My new friend felt helpless and just used humour to cope.

This conversation was a real eye-opener for me. I speak to women every day about how to manage their menopause symptoms but how often do their loved ones feel they can be involved?

Menopause has many physical and emotional changes. It can be a complex and challenging time, having a huge impact on those closest and, sadly, the cause of many relationship and career breakdowns.

A recent survey carried out by the British Menopause Society showed 40 per cent of partners struggled with knowing how to support their partners. Maybe menopause is affecting your partner, daughter, friend, colleague or employee. You may want to show your support but just don’t know where to start.

With it being World Menopause Awareness Month, I wanted to take the opportunity to provide some tips to get you started:

• Get educated — Take time to read about the menopause, be it a book or an article. By better understanding what menopause is and recognising how variable symptoms are, your support may be invaluable.

• Don’t take it personally — Some genuine physical and psychological symptoms can result in mood changes, for example, forgetfulness, insomnia, exhaustion and anxiousness to name a few. I appreciate it is not fair to expect loved ones to constantly walk on eggshells but try to show sympathy and equally don’t put everything down to the menopause. It is always helpful to reflect on whether there is anything you could do differently.

• Be a team — Trying to navigate a busy lifestyle, all while battling debilitating symptoms, can be a real challenge. With proper support, healthy lifestyle practices can help improve mental and physical wellbeing during menopause and the years to follow. Don’t just sit on the sidelines, offer to cook healthy meals together, exercise as a family, provide reassurance. Seek helpful tips to beat their sleep and energy issues. Offer to attend health appointments with your partner. Remember, it’s okay to seek help from a specialist who can guide you through the challenges together.

• Take menopause in the workplace seriously — If you are an employer, don’t treat menopause care as a tick box exercise and have a policy sitting on a dusty shelf which nobody knows exists. Staff who feel heard, supported and valued are more productive and less absent. Have menopause champions, raise awareness through educational events, staff magazines and forums, provide occupational health assistance, encourage an open, sharing culture. These are just some of the changes I help companies incorporate to be “menopause-friendly”. More than half of women over the age of 50 say their menopause symptoms were the reason for work “sickness”.

• Communication is key — Listen to their personal experience. Ask them specific questions about how they would like support. Everyone’s journey is unique and there is no one size fits all solution. Don’t presume Mrs Smith from work has the same symptoms and wants the same help as your wife.

By raising awareness about menopause, I hope women will get the best support they can through this natural but important chapter. Let me reassure you, you are not alone.

Dr Shilpa McQuillan, from Emmer Green, leads the Berkshire Menopause Clinic in Henley.
For more information, email info@berkshiremenopauseclinic.com or visit www.berkshiremenopauseclinic.com