ABOUT 20 people gathered at a shop in Henley on Saturday for a talk and book signing by a local psychologist.
Dr Rebecca Chilvers, who grew up in Caversham, has written Not Alone in NICU: A Compassionate Companion for Parents of a Baby in Neonatal Care.
The mother to three boys, aged 16, 13, and 11, who now lives in Finchley in North London, has drawn on more than two decades of experience working in the NHS and the independent sector to support parents of babies in neonatal care.
Speaking to the audience at the Bell Bookshop, who stood around a low-level wooden bookcase, she explained that while neonatal care is often perceived as a niche experience, it is far more common than many realise.
“There was a worry at the beginning that it might be seen as niche,” she said. “But, three children in every primary school class have been in a NICI. It affects everybody.”
Dr Chilvers took psychology as one of her A-level subjects at The Henley College before she went on to complete her undergraduate degree at University College London, later specialising in neonatal psychology.
“At some point, everybody becomes a patient,” she said. “When you’re scared, whether it’s medical or not, you’re looking for people who feel safe, compassionate and understanding. We’re wired for people and that’s what gets us through difficult experiences.”
Her book is structured as a supportive voice that walks parents through the neonatal journey, stage by stage and includes 50 exercises designed to help them manage anxiety and feelings of isolation.
Dr Chilvers said chapter two was the most challenging to write because it explores the wide range of emotions parents may experience.
She said: “It goes into a lot of detail about anxiety and why it shows up.
“I wanted to capture the breadth of the experience but also its depth. It can be isolating and terrifying and it was important not to sugarcoat that reality.” The book uses fictionalised characters based on “clinical truth” to help readers relate to the experiences described.
It also includes chapters on how neonatal care can affect close and intimate relationships, as well as siblings and other family members.
Illustrations throughout the book were produced by Alice Jordan, who joined Dr Chilvers at the event to talk them through the creative process.
Mrs Jordan, a picture framer by trade, described the project as her first illustrating commission.
She said: “Having images in it makes it seem natural and less academic. Rebecca made it so easy and explained it so clearly. I had to have a thick skin because I asked her to be harsh so she could get what she envisioned.”
Among those attending was Kay Matthews, who previously helped run the National Childbirth Trust.
She said the book, which she described as “magic”, resonated with her own family’s experience.
Ms Matthews said: “My granddaughter was breech and born with her legs not straight. The initial feeling was fear and it wasn’t until weeks later that a consultant properly reassured us.
“This kind of book is magic because it brings into the open the things we need to hear at that time.”
Dr Chilvers’s mother, Pamela, a musical artist and composer from Caversham, also attended and spoke of her pride in her daughter. She said: “Rebecca has always been incredibly perceptive and creative.
“She notices the little things and that’s what makes her such a brilliant psychologist.”
Looking to the future, Dr Chilvers said she hopes to expand the project with podcasts, videos and an audiobook, continuing the conversation with midwives and other professionals.
She said: “I wanted this book to speak to the reality, which is hard, but it’s fundamental for people not to shy away or sugarcoat it.
“If we can normalise something that’s actually very common and bring it out into the open, it stops people feeling like it happens in isolation.”
