We’ll carry on but can never forget you, dad

THE family of a man who died in an accident swam 84 miles for charity in his memory.

Brad Visser, 38, suffered a severe brain injury when he fell off his electric skateboard near the family’s home in Main Street, Stoke Row, on July 17 2019.

He died at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford 10 days later.

To mark the second anniversary of his death, his widow Annie and their children Ozzie, 10, and Chloe, nine, are raising money for Headway, a brain injury charity that would have helped Brad had he survived.

Ozzie and Chloe both swam 21 miles, the width of the Channel, while their mother swam twice that distance, over 24 days.

Mrs Visser said that while they were paying tribute to her husband, their effort was also about the resilience of the children, who had shown how far they would go to help others.

She said: “Brad is a huge part of our lives but this challenge for us is about moving forward and about helping other families that might be going through something similar.

“It’s about showing that life can carry on and that it is possible to do something positive in his memory.

“It’s about the strength of two very remarkable little people and the resilience to do what they have done, which is amazing. It shows that you can go through tragedy and make it better. They have had the worst two years possible and they have done it with a smile on their faces and with sheer dedication.”

The family initially set themselves the challenge to swim the distance between July 13 and August 20, which they chose as this period includes the run-up to Mr Visser’s accident, the time he spent in hospital, the day he died and the anniversary of his funeral.

“Most people have a death day but for us it is different,” said Mrs Visser. “We have the day of the accident, which is the day we lost him. We never spoke to him again.

“We have the day he died 10 days later and were in a limbo, so to do something in that time frame was really good for us. It turned a really emotional and difficult time into something positive.” The children, who attend the Oratory Prep in Goring Heath, and their mother completed the challenge in 24 days instead of 38 while they were on holiday in Menorca, swimming lengths of a pool and in open water.

Mrs Visser said: “Menorca is home for us as I spent so much time there with the children when Brad was working.

“A friend told us that they were doing something similar last year and it took off from there. We wanted to do something positive and the kids said, ‘Yes Mummy, come on, let’s do it.’

“Chloe is part of the swim squad at school — she is a little fish, a natural swimmer. Ozzie was not built for speed and is more academic but he did really well. Chloe was ill with a nasty ear infection so we did some of the challenge in open water. We had to jump off rocks for some of it.”

Ozzie said: “I found it quite fun and we swam in all sorts of places. We were surrounded by thousands of fish and they were following us.

“I enjoyed it but not as much as Chloe. I don’t swim competitively while she swims at every opportunity.

“The challenge was important for me because my father had an accident and died on the side of the road.

“We are donating time to the charity so we can help other people that could be more fortunate than him.”

Chloe, who trains with her school’s swimming squad every Monday morning, said: “My favourite part of the challenge was the sea swims as we could see all the fish and it was fun.

“I love swimming and I’ve been swimming at school for over a year.”

Mrs Visser said: “Brad and I were married for 10 years, so we have decided we will do something similar for the next eight years until the 10th anniversary.”

Her husband’s favourite song was Kilimanjaro by Johnny Clegg, a fellow South African, so the family’s final challenge in 2029 will be climbing to the summit of the 16,893ft mountain in Tanzania.

“We want to climb to the top and play his favourite song — the kids will be old enough to do it then,” said Mrs Visser.

“Next year, we want to cycle to Bristol or even swim the length of the Thames.”

On the first anniversary of the tragedy last year, Ozzie and Chloe swam 10.5 miles each while Mrs Visser swam 21 miles and raised more than £5,000 for the charity.

Mrs Visser said the weeks following her husband’s death were “horrific” and that she suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Chloe had trouble talking and sleeping and would wake up from nightmares every night.

In December, the family moved from Stoke Row to Rotherfield Greys, where Mrs Visser’s mother lives.

“There was no escape from what happened at our old house,” said Mrs Visser. “Everywhere we went we were confronted with something of Brad.”

She said the support her children received from their school helped them to move on.

Mrs Visser said: “The accident took a father away from two children but the support from the school and how everything had been set up for them during the pandemic as well really helped them. Giving back to others really changed their
perspective.”

Ozzie was asked to do a presentation at school on a personal hero or historical figure.

He chose to gave a 22-minute talk about his father.

Mrs Visser said: “I was against it initially as I thought it was going to be difficult for him.

“But he said, ‘People at school don’t want to talk to me about their families and by me talking about it, it shows it’s okay for them to ask questions about dad’.

“He did it perfectly and afterwards the other students came and talked to him and thanked him for doing it.

“This was a 10-year-old who was more mature than me because he saw that they didn’t know what to ask and it’s the same with adults.

“People are acting more normal with us now and it’s no longer uncomfortable.”

The school donated money to Headway in memory of Mr Visser.

In a letter to his headmaster, Ozzie said: “I will be a neurosurgeon when I grow up but until then this is the way we will do it.”

Mrs Visser said: “Ozzie has always wanted to be a surgeon and when Brad had his accident the consultant who took care of him was fantastic, he was amazing with us as a family.

“It takes a special person to work at the hospital and everyone in the ward was amazing — they were walking angels; they did everything they could for us.

“After Brad died, Ozzie asked if he could go back to the hospital to see the doctors and they explained what happened.”

After being taken by air ambulance to the hospital, Mr Visser initially responded well to treatment but his family decided to stop this after being told it was unlikely he would return to his full physical and intellectual capacity.

Mr Visser had given his wife power of attorney in a document stipulating she should not try to keep him alive if certain “life perimeters” were not met.

This meant she could present the hospital with a legal document stipulating his wishes and had the power to make life decisions for her husband.

Mrs Visser said: “Ozzie understood you can’t fix everything but you can always do the right thing and switching Brad off was the right thing. It was tough but it was the right thing to do.

“I’m not ashamed of what happened or of how we behaved. I wouldn’t change any decision that we made.

“Being able to sit down with both my kids and explain so that it is not a taboo subject was really important. They knew he was not going to get better and Ozzie got it. It meant that we suffered but that Brad didn’t.

“My children are incredibly tough and resilient, they deserve the world. No parent wants to see their children having to be as strong as I had to.

“Children don’t understand money like adults do but they understand actions and giving your time to a cause.

“Money is irrelevant when you are 10 years old but they understand that when you give your time to something, you can’t get it back.”

Mr and Mrs Visser, who were together for 15 years, met at a bar in Henley.

They were married at St Nicholas’s Church in Rotherfield Greys, where Mr Visser’s funeral also took place.

“Someone asked me the other day how I would describe Brad as they had never met him,” said Mrs Visser. “He was just a remarkable man and if you met him, you loved him.

“I was just very lucky because most people go through their entire life wanting what we had and we had it and no one can take it away from us. I feel really privileged to have had him in my life.”

Mr Visser moved to the UK from South Africa after he was hijacked and shot while he was on his way to Johannesburg to see his father.

He ran his own bespoke furniture business at the Van Alloys Industrial Estate in Busgrove Lane, Stoke Row, and was well-known in the Henley area.

Mrs Visser said: “He wanted safety and came to the UK with a backpack and £70 in his pocket.

“He started working straight away. He worked in Henley and in 2009 set up his own business. He did really well for himself.”

She urged people with children who are grieving to seek support.

“There is not enough help out there at all,” said Mrs Visser. “It is quite daunting to go to a big support group and ask for help, especially when you have young children.

“You feel isolated and like no one really understands it, so if we can make it less isolating for other people, if we can help any other families going through what we did, we really want to help.

“When something like this happens, you are really vulnerable and people’s inability to communicate makes you even more vulnerable so being able to talk to people in the same situation helps.

“I had amazing friends but they were all with their husbands. People think they get it but they have no idea and it is the isolation that comes with it.

“When you are a widow grieving for your husband you are grieving for the future you have lost and the future your children have lost.

“Brad will never teach Ozzie how to shave or walk Chloe down the aisle. It’s the simple things that have been taken away.

“When your children are grieving, you want to wrap them up and protect them, but you can’t because otherwise they will never understand.

“Ozzie and Chloe are very open about what happened and they are aware that Brad is not coming back.

“Children are more switched on than adults give them credit for.”

Mr Visser’s funeral was attended by more than 400 people, including friends and family from across the UK, South Africa, America and New Zealand.

His sister Taryn Meredith shared anecdotes about his early life in South Africa and one of his customers talked about his work and about how talented he was.

Ozzie and Chloe stood up to read a poem and Mrs Visser talked about their 15 years together.

She said: “It was amazing and I always say it was the best funeral I have been to — Brad would have loved it. It was a good tribute to an amazing person.”

To make a donation, visit www.justgiving.com/fundraising/
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