Regular Features - Henley Standard

The time has come for all good(ish) mums to move on…

SO I just took the dog — CuCullain, aka Cookie, aka Cooks, aka The Cookstar (only to me and the kids that last one) — out for a lengthy walk to a) stop him pawing at me and whining away like a Boeing 747’s engine slowing down, b) obliterate the risk...

From party pooper to... party super!

SO it was the Sunshiney Seven-Year-Old’s birthday party last weekend — a joint venture organised with the Loveliest Neighbour In The World, whose son has also just turned eight. Of course, when I say “organised with”, I obviously mean organised by...

Silent but smelly protest or a cry for help?

IS it just our dog, Cookie, or does everyone’s housebound hound protest poo inside when they’ve not been out all day?Honestly. For an animal not particularly known for its lofty intellect, our Irish Setter has taken silent protest and turned it into a...

Couldn't organise a p**s-up in a brewery

WHEN I inform the Grumpy Grannie that I’m helping to organise a joint party for the Sunshiney Seven-Year-Old and his friend’s eighth birthday, she gasps in horror.“Oh, how dreadful, Darling!”“Don’t worry, you don’t have to come,” I sigh, stupidly...

No tedious gym or exercise required!

WHO knew that the quickest way to lose a whole load of weight was to freeze it off? Not I, that’s for sure. And I’m not talking painful surgeries involving cryogenics or anything (although if you know anyone who’s doing this sort of thing, do drop me...

Yep, completely surrounded by the brown stuff

YOU might want to look away now if you’re eating your Corn Flakes, or eating anything for that matter. That is if you haven’t already ...

It's not half term already, is it?!

I CAN’T believe it! We’ve only just had Christmas and already the kids are going to be off school again. Seems like it was only ...

Is smugness the zenith of the recovery process?

CURLED up on the couch, steaming mug of diet hot choc in hand, I gaze adoringly at the wet dog rapidly drying out in front of the ...

Not the usual Febreze/Air Wick cover-up combo

SOMETHING’S going on. I don’t know what and I don’t know why, I’m not even sure who is involved or in what capacity. But the one thing ...

It's a (lengthy) rite of passage we all go through, isn't it?

IN Sainsbury’s the other day, on one of those rare trips where both kids had agreed to come along and help, I was searching through ...

Avoiding mirrors at every turn

WHEN I lingered looking in a shop window a tad too long the other day (drooling over Christmas decs, not chocolate gift boxes, I’ll ...

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve about

I CAN’T see 15!” I cry, peering into the advent calendar my mum, the Grumpy Grannie, gave us. “There’s gold, frankincense and — what’s ...

Breakfast at Tiffs 'r' Us

FORGET Brexit, let’s talk about breakfast for a second. Because I don’t know about you, but in our house these days, the kitchen table ...

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Can you have any authority if you suffer from Short Mum Syndrome?

So, it’s happened. Of course, I always knew it would — but so soon? It seems like only yesterday that she was toddling about under my ...

When did my daughter become a little black cloud in big workman's boots?

MY daughter, the Eleventeen-Year-Old, and I went out boots shopping for her at the weekend. I was thinking a low-if-any-heeled, ...

I can't get that pesky song out of my head

CAN you believe it? The Christmas scrum has well and truly begun. And even though there are still some brave autumn leaves hanging on ...

Tea's fine but what happened to the biscuits?

THERE’S no denying it, it’s pretty obvious I like a biscuit or 12 — I mean, just a quick glance at any one of my six chins is ...

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