Guidebook for parents of babies in intensive care

A PSYCHOLOGIST who grew up in Caversham has written a book to help support new parents of premature and sick babies.

Dr Rebecca Chilvers has more than two decades of experience working in the NHS and the independent sector, specialising in neonatal care.

The book is titled Not Alone in NICU: A Compassionate Companion for Parents of a Baby in Neonatal Care.

Rebecca, who lives in Finchley, North London and is a mother of three boys, says: “I worked first in neonates at St Thomas’s Hospital, which was also called Evelina London, the children’s hospital.

“We set up one of the very first clinical psychology services in neonatal care and developed that.

“I think back then, which is probably more than a decade ago, there was only a handful of us across the UK and we were recognising the need for psychological support for families going through this experience and for staff.

“It’s a very intensive, emotive, raw emotional environment for the people who support families as well.”

Rebecca, whose mother is Caversham composer and musical artist, Pamela Chilvers, says: “I’m based in Cambridge, I work as a lead psychologist for neonatology in the East of England. Part of my role is developing services across the country for all neonatal units, with the vision of having a psychological professional available for any parents.

“Obviously there’s a long way to go to get there, so in the interim I wanted to think about I could best distil what I’ve learnt into a self-help guide for parents, so they’ve got something they can use straight away.

“Parents just don’t know where to start, because it’s like falling into a completely different world. People are shocked, they’re traumatised, they’re anxious, they’re dealing with unimaginable and overwhelming emotion.

“The first chapter is a sort of book within the book really. It’s about when you land in this world that you don’t recognise, here’s a concise guide to get you through the first few weeks.

“What felt really important was that parents don’t have the time but also they’re not in the right headspace to be able to read reams and reams of theory. So, I wanted to get something that was really quite practical, which helped parents to say, ‘What do I do now?’

“That first chapter is to almost take your hand and guide you on what to do next. That was based on having met hundreds of families at that particular juncture, that’s what the focus of my early sessions with them used to be.

“Then the rest of the book is designed in such a way that you can dip in and out if you want to.

“The first bit is really people not feeling alone in their distress, that they can read about what they’re experiencing and really feel that someone’s understood it. The second part of compassion is about action, so actually what can you do to alleviate someone’s distress and suffering.

“Throughout the book there are more than 50 exercises that parents can do if they choose to. All those exercises are listed straight from what I thought was most effective with parents while working clinically, so it’s all of them in one place.”

As a consultant clinical psychologist, Rebecca has been an advisor and guest on BBC Radio 4 for Women’s Hour and Fry’s English Delight, as well as BBC Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine show. She has contributed to a podcast series for Mumsnet as well as giving talks at venues including Yale University.

Rebecca has also written extensively about parenthood, with its joys and challenges and the stories within. She has experience in helping people around times of significant transition, including becoming a parent, midlife changes and bereavement and loss.

In January, there will be a book launch at the Bell Bookshop.

“I grew up in Caversham and I went to The Henley College for sixth form, where I took psychology A level, among other A levels,” says Rebecca.

“Then I went from The Henley College, which I loved — it was a brilliant experience — off to University College London for my undergraduate degree.

“I’m very fond of Henley, I used to write a lot there, I used to go and sit in cafés by the river and with my notebooks and write.

“It feels like a really important place for me, I started to find my writing voice there really.”

The book is presented in layman’s terms. “Everything that is in it is based on psychological theory and concepts, but it’s written to be readable, as if I was just having a conversation with you in a room,” adds Rebecca.

“That’s why it’s called a companion, as if I’m sitting there with you, I’ve made you a cup of tea and we’re talking about what’s happening.”

l Not Alone in NICU: A Compassionate Companion for Parents of a Baby in Neonatal Care, by Dr Rebecca Chilvers, is out now. The book launch takes place at the Bell Bookshop on January 17 with a talk by Rebecca and a question and answer session and a book signing. For more information, visit rebeccachilvers.com